Hello Lovely Reader

I know it's been a little while since I last posted.  I've been a bit busy; I went back to work after being ill, and frankly, I was exhausted when I got home on a night!!

The clocks went back here in the UK today.  They go forward in Spring and back in Autumn.  That means that the nights are really drawing in now, and we are settling in for winter and starting to prepare for Christmas.

I have decided that I am going to lose 2 stones before New Year's Day, 2015.  My diet is getting better and better (although I did a chocolate test today; more on that later), but I need to start exercising.  Why do I find this so hard?  It's always the thing that I have loads of motivation to do in the middle of the night, but come the following day, I just can't seem to get my ass into motion.

Now, to be honest, I do struggle with diabetic neuropathy, so I do have virtually constant pain in my feet (to the extent that they hurt even when asleep), but, I have a stationary cycle.  I have weights, I have a Gazelle, I have a weights bench, I have bodyblades and a bodybar, and I'm about to take ownership of a computerised treadmill. I have exercise DVD's from tai ch'i to beachbody, to tae bo.  I even have the original Susan Powter DVD, which was the only exercise programme I stuck to when I had it on video.  This is all well and good, but until I actually start using them, they're just sitting there, looking lost.

So.  I have lost 19 pounds in six weeks.  This week, my challenge to myself is to start exercising. In some way, shape or form.

The chocolate test.  I've been craving chocolate for about five days.  So today, I bought myself a small box of premium quality chocolates.  Two hours later, I had raging IBS and vomiting.  I felt SO MUCH better immediately after getting it all out of my system. So, I think my body has categorically told me something quite basic; 'I cannot handle chocolate and I desperately want you to stop feeding it to me, please!'.  So, that's it.  From renowned chocolate eater and a bit of a connoisseur, to no more chocolate for me. 

It was a very simple, but very effective (and dramatic) demonstration of how I'm changing.  It's exciting, and a little bit scary, too. Overall, I've lost around 9 stones now.  But, after staying fairly stable for a couple of years,  now the weight has started to come off again, I'm starting to see the changes; my face and neck are more defined.  I think my teeth now look too big for my face, but my mum assures me that isn't the case!!

Change is often scary, and often leaves you wondering what's going on.  This is where I need the courage to continue putting one foot in front of the other.  It's often recommended that you enjoy the process of change, as in treasuring the journey, not just the destination.  However, I don't feel particularly secure in the changes that are occurring yet, and I have to still look down at the path I'm walking, as opposed to looking up and enjoying the scenery.  Hopefully, one day soon, I will be able to look up and out, but at the moment, it works for me not to do this.

I'd love to hear from readers how they handle change, and how they approach their journey.

Thank you for reading.
Much love to you and yours.

Carol
xx