Hello Lovely Reader
I know it's been a little while since I last posted. I've been a bit busy; I went back to work after being ill, and frankly, I was exhausted when I got home on a night!!
The clocks went back here in the UK today. They go forward in Spring and back in Autumn. That means that the nights are really drawing in now, and we are settling in for winter and starting to prepare for Christmas.
I have decided that I am going to lose 2 stones before New Year's Day, 2015. My diet is getting better and better (although I did a chocolate test today; more on that later), but I need to start exercising. Why do I find this so hard? It's always the thing that I have loads of motivation to do in the middle of the night, but come the following day, I just can't seem to get my ass into motion.
Now, to be honest, I do struggle with diabetic neuropathy, so I do have virtually constant pain in my feet (to the extent that they hurt even when asleep), but, I have a stationary cycle. I have weights, I have a Gazelle, I have a weights bench, I have bodyblades and a bodybar, and I'm about to take ownership of a computerised treadmill. I have exercise DVD's from tai ch'i to beachbody, to tae bo. I even have the original Susan Powter DVD, which was the only exercise programme I stuck to when I had it on video. This is all well and good, but until I actually start using them, they're just sitting there, looking lost.
So. I have lost 19 pounds in six weeks. This week, my challenge to myself is to start exercising. In some way, shape or form.
The chocolate test. I've been craving chocolate for about five days. So today, I bought myself a small box of premium quality chocolates. Two hours later, I had raging IBS and vomiting. I felt SO MUCH better immediately after getting it all out of my system. So, I think my body has categorically told me something quite basic; 'I cannot handle chocolate and I desperately want you to stop feeding it to me, please!'. So, that's it. From renowned chocolate eater and a bit of a connoisseur, to no more chocolate for me.
It was a very simple, but very effective (and dramatic) demonstration of how I'm changing. It's exciting, and a little bit scary, too. Overall, I've lost around 9 stones now. But, after staying fairly stable for a couple of years, now the weight has started to come off again, I'm starting to see the changes; my face and neck are more defined. I think my teeth now look too big for my face, but my mum assures me that isn't the case!!
Change is often scary, and often leaves you wondering what's going on. This is where I need the courage to continue putting one foot in front of the other. It's often recommended that you enjoy the process of change, as in treasuring the journey, not just the destination. However, I don't feel particularly secure in the changes that are occurring yet, and I have to still look down at the path I'm walking, as opposed to looking up and enjoying the scenery. Hopefully, one day soon, I will be able to look up and out, but at the moment, it works for me not to do this.
I'd love to hear from readers how they handle change, and how they approach their journey.
Thank you for reading.
Much love to you and yours.
Carol
xx
Sunday 26 October 2014
Thursday 16 October 2014
Motivation
Hello Lovely Reader,
Today's blog is about that often elusive concept; Motivation.
We often assume for a number of reasons that motivation is extrinsic to us. That is, that the Golden Fairy of Motivation will come and dust us with fairy dust, and then we will never have to struggle again. We also seem to operate on the understanding that once we have motivation, it will not desert us, and we will never have to struggle again!
As each and every person knows, these beliefs are simply...not true. That darned Fairy seems to have forgotten where I live entirely, and I regularly run out of motivation, or it just ups and dies on me for no known reason.
The other thing is that there is no one size fits all, generic motivation. What works for me, may very well not work for you. This is because we are very different people, with different backgrounds, lifestyle preferences, cultures and experiences.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word 'motivation' as 'the reason, or reasons, for acting or behaving in a particular way'. This means that essentially, we are motivated to behave in a particular way because we want a specific outcome. Take that idea one step further, and it becomes clear that the more we want that specific outcome, the more motivated we will be to behave in that particular way.
Where we often get in our own way is in starting that particular behaviour. I said the other day that I believe that change occurs when we hit rock bottom, when we get to the point of having had enough of a specific situation or circumstance. At that point, I believe the seed of change is sown.
That is when we get really fired up and keen. 'That's it! I've had enough! I. Am. Done!'. This is the point we need to take note and be careful. The energy inherent in making that decision to change must be harnessed and used wisely. If we go gung ho and race around like mad things, without a plan or without direction, that energy disperses and we are often left in the same place exhausted, frustrated and beaten down. If we harness the energy, take a little halfstep back and decide precisely where we want to be, we have more chance of actually starting the journey to get there. You know like Olympic long jumpers or high jumpers will often take a half step back before starting to run? A bit like that. In that halfstep, you can see the determination of reaching that goal set in their faces.
Change is usually inspired because we have had enough of a bad situation, not because we want more of a good situation. Anthony Robbins posits that a human being will do more to avoid pain than they will to attain pleasure. I think this is possibly an evolutionary thing. You'd work harder to run away from the predator that was nipping at your heels than you would run just to jump into a river to cool down when you were too hot. Make sense?
So, we need to channel the energy, keep in mind what we want to get away from, and the reasons for wanting to get away from it, and then focus on the outcome, the goal, the destination we want. The path to the attainment of that goal is highly unlikely to run in a straight line and is equally unlikely to run smoothly. This is where the phrase 'keep your eye on the end game' comes in extremely handy for me. So we start with a small but determined step. And then we take another. And another. And this is where the magic starts to happen.
Because, I believe that motivation comes from doing, from taking action, from actually moving towards whatever it is that is your desired destination. I think it's almost entirely intrinsic, in that we create our own motivation. I can't give you motivation. I may be able to inspire you to find your own motivation though. Imagine this; there you are sitting on your sofa watching Extreme Makeover, shovelling M&M's into your mouth so quickly you don't even taste them, and by the end of the programme, you think 'Hmmm. Well, I could never do that, it won't work for me. And I'm sure I've been short changed in that bag of sweets, because it's empty and I hardly had any!'. All of the initial energy of change has just drained away. In the alternative version, you're watching that programme and you think 'Wow. Look at that! He/She is just an ordinary person and look what they're doing. I'll seal this bag of sweets and save them for another time and really listen to this, to see if there are any pointers I can pick up, because I want to lose a bit of weight. Hmmm. Well, they've just cut out sweets and fried foods. That wouldn't be so hard to do. I know if they can do that, I'm sure I can'. There. Right there. THAT is the seed of change. That openness to the possibility that you can change. So you cut out the sweets and fried foods. And, even more than losing weight, you realise that, actually, you feel a little better, you have a little more energy, you don't feel quite so..gunked up. And you think, 'Yeah, I like this. I didn't realise I always felt quite so .....off colour. I really don't want to go back to feeling like that. So, what else could I change? I know, I could have a few more veggies with dinner. Chicken fajitas? Lovely! I'll just have more of the peppers and onions, and a bit less of the sour cream and cheese. And maybe I'll take a little walk just down to the postbox and back after dinner. Couldn't hurt, right?'. And because you're actually taking action and seeing/feeling changes, you are endorsing that feeling of your own possibility for change. You are actually proving to yourself that you can do it. In effect, becoming your own self fulfilling prophecy. See? Motivation comes from doing.
I realise this is a very simplistic scenario, but most change comes from a simple decision. If you then work on the principle that there are going to be blips and roadblocks, that the more you sustain your changes and get right back on track, the more you keep your eye on the end goal, correcting the little detours and realising that you are human, the more likely you are to achieve what you want to achieve. It may take time, and you may make lots of mistakes, but if you keep on keeping on, not only will you get to where you want to be, you may even get to somewhere better.
Much love to you and yours,
Carol
xxx
Today's blog is about that often elusive concept; Motivation.
We often assume for a number of reasons that motivation is extrinsic to us. That is, that the Golden Fairy of Motivation will come and dust us with fairy dust, and then we will never have to struggle again. We also seem to operate on the understanding that once we have motivation, it will not desert us, and we will never have to struggle again!
As each and every person knows, these beliefs are simply...not true. That darned Fairy seems to have forgotten where I live entirely, and I regularly run out of motivation, or it just ups and dies on me for no known reason.
The other thing is that there is no one size fits all, generic motivation. What works for me, may very well not work for you. This is because we are very different people, with different backgrounds, lifestyle preferences, cultures and experiences.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word 'motivation' as 'the reason, or reasons, for acting or behaving in a particular way'. This means that essentially, we are motivated to behave in a particular way because we want a specific outcome. Take that idea one step further, and it becomes clear that the more we want that specific outcome, the more motivated we will be to behave in that particular way.
Where we often get in our own way is in starting that particular behaviour. I said the other day that I believe that change occurs when we hit rock bottom, when we get to the point of having had enough of a specific situation or circumstance. At that point, I believe the seed of change is sown.
That is when we get really fired up and keen. 'That's it! I've had enough! I. Am. Done!'. This is the point we need to take note and be careful. The energy inherent in making that decision to change must be harnessed and used wisely. If we go gung ho and race around like mad things, without a plan or without direction, that energy disperses and we are often left in the same place exhausted, frustrated and beaten down. If we harness the energy, take a little halfstep back and decide precisely where we want to be, we have more chance of actually starting the journey to get there. You know like Olympic long jumpers or high jumpers will often take a half step back before starting to run? A bit like that. In that halfstep, you can see the determination of reaching that goal set in their faces.
Change is usually inspired because we have had enough of a bad situation, not because we want more of a good situation. Anthony Robbins posits that a human being will do more to avoid pain than they will to attain pleasure. I think this is possibly an evolutionary thing. You'd work harder to run away from the predator that was nipping at your heels than you would run just to jump into a river to cool down when you were too hot. Make sense?
So, we need to channel the energy, keep in mind what we want to get away from, and the reasons for wanting to get away from it, and then focus on the outcome, the goal, the destination we want. The path to the attainment of that goal is highly unlikely to run in a straight line and is equally unlikely to run smoothly. This is where the phrase 'keep your eye on the end game' comes in extremely handy for me. So we start with a small but determined step. And then we take another. And another. And this is where the magic starts to happen.
Because, I believe that motivation comes from doing, from taking action, from actually moving towards whatever it is that is your desired destination. I think it's almost entirely intrinsic, in that we create our own motivation. I can't give you motivation. I may be able to inspire you to find your own motivation though. Imagine this; there you are sitting on your sofa watching Extreme Makeover, shovelling M&M's into your mouth so quickly you don't even taste them, and by the end of the programme, you think 'Hmmm. Well, I could never do that, it won't work for me. And I'm sure I've been short changed in that bag of sweets, because it's empty and I hardly had any!'. All of the initial energy of change has just drained away. In the alternative version, you're watching that programme and you think 'Wow. Look at that! He/She is just an ordinary person and look what they're doing. I'll seal this bag of sweets and save them for another time and really listen to this, to see if there are any pointers I can pick up, because I want to lose a bit of weight. Hmmm. Well, they've just cut out sweets and fried foods. That wouldn't be so hard to do. I know if they can do that, I'm sure I can'. There. Right there. THAT is the seed of change. That openness to the possibility that you can change. So you cut out the sweets and fried foods. And, even more than losing weight, you realise that, actually, you feel a little better, you have a little more energy, you don't feel quite so..gunked up. And you think, 'Yeah, I like this. I didn't realise I always felt quite so .....off colour. I really don't want to go back to feeling like that. So, what else could I change? I know, I could have a few more veggies with dinner. Chicken fajitas? Lovely! I'll just have more of the peppers and onions, and a bit less of the sour cream and cheese. And maybe I'll take a little walk just down to the postbox and back after dinner. Couldn't hurt, right?'. And because you're actually taking action and seeing/feeling changes, you are endorsing that feeling of your own possibility for change. You are actually proving to yourself that you can do it. In effect, becoming your own self fulfilling prophecy. See? Motivation comes from doing.
I realise this is a very simplistic scenario, but most change comes from a simple decision. If you then work on the principle that there are going to be blips and roadblocks, that the more you sustain your changes and get right back on track, the more you keep your eye on the end goal, correcting the little detours and realising that you are human, the more likely you are to achieve what you want to achieve. It may take time, and you may make lots of mistakes, but if you keep on keeping on, not only will you get to where you want to be, you may even get to somewhere better.
Much love to you and yours,
Carol
xxx
Wednesday 15 October 2014
Internet Problems
Good morning, Lovely Reader!
I realise that there is a very strong possibility that no-one is reading my blog at all, but I like to write it as if I were having a chat with someone. It gives me focus, and stops me rambling quite so much.
I have had problems with my internet for a few days, which is why I haven't posted. It is now past midnight, and I am at work in the morning, so this will be brief!
I feel very motivated at the moment. I can feel and am starting to see the changes in my body shape. Today, I had to visit my old employer, and the senior engineer, whom I haven't seen for six and a half years, was really shocked at how much I'd changed since he last saw me. It's so nice to hear sincere compliments when you have become accustomed to your current appearance. I lost a lot of weight just after I left there, but have been stable, but yo-yoing a bit for around four years now, so, of course, my current appearance is boringly normal to me. So his compliments were a very pleasant reminder of just how far I've come. It's taken me about ten years, so far, but now that the weight is starting to come off again, it was a lovely little boost.
Also today, my home study nutrition course arrived! I was thrilled, as I wasn't expecting it til the weekend. Looking at the test paper, there are only about four questions that I don't know the answer to, but looking at the 'textbooks' and the online material, it looks quite intense. I'm going to start it on Saturday.
I also popped into the health shop today, to buy my multivitamins, ALA and a large jar of organic coconut oil. Whilst I was there, I asked the shopowner if he could recommend any supplements to help with a leaky gut. So, I bought some L-Glutamine on his advice, as that seems to be recommended for everything to do with the digestive system and it's many problems, from IBS to ulcerative colitis. I'll just wait and see how it goes.
And on that note, I hope you all have a lovely day!
love
Carol
I realise that there is a very strong possibility that no-one is reading my blog at all, but I like to write it as if I were having a chat with someone. It gives me focus, and stops me rambling quite so much.
I have had problems with my internet for a few days, which is why I haven't posted. It is now past midnight, and I am at work in the morning, so this will be brief!
I feel very motivated at the moment. I can feel and am starting to see the changes in my body shape. Today, I had to visit my old employer, and the senior engineer, whom I haven't seen for six and a half years, was really shocked at how much I'd changed since he last saw me. It's so nice to hear sincere compliments when you have become accustomed to your current appearance. I lost a lot of weight just after I left there, but have been stable, but yo-yoing a bit for around four years now, so, of course, my current appearance is boringly normal to me. So his compliments were a very pleasant reminder of just how far I've come. It's taken me about ten years, so far, but now that the weight is starting to come off again, it was a lovely little boost.
Also today, my home study nutrition course arrived! I was thrilled, as I wasn't expecting it til the weekend. Looking at the test paper, there are only about four questions that I don't know the answer to, but looking at the 'textbooks' and the online material, it looks quite intense. I'm going to start it on Saturday.
I also popped into the health shop today, to buy my multivitamins, ALA and a large jar of organic coconut oil. Whilst I was there, I asked the shopowner if he could recommend any supplements to help with a leaky gut. So, I bought some L-Glutamine on his advice, as that seems to be recommended for everything to do with the digestive system and it's many problems, from IBS to ulcerative colitis. I'll just wait and see how it goes.
And on that note, I hope you all have a lovely day!
love
Carol
Friday 10 October 2014
The Day After the Night Before
Hello, Lovely Reader
Well, I have to say, I'm really tired today, because I was up til 4am, looking at title fonts, backgrounds etc for the blog. It had taken me such a long time to decide on a name (I'm talking months), then once I had that, the blog was there within 24 hours. And, true to form, then I wanted to tinker with it all night. Eventually, my beautiful boy, could stand it no longer, and miaowed until I went to bed!
I think that is something that applies to a lot of us; we wait to start something until 'the Perfect Moment'. Of course, if it is a marriage proposal, it has to have some forethought, because you want it to be extra special and memorable.
But what if it is something that you really want to change about yourself, and you don't start to change until you have that perfect moment? Well, you could be waiting a very long time.
I think that, so often, we want something so badly, that we wait until we have no problems, no obstacles, the stars are all aligned and the sun is in the seventh house of Usher, that we never actually start it. I know I do this.
I've come to realise over the years that this procrastination can stem from fear. Certainly fear of failure, but also, especially in my case, fear of success. We live in a society that is very much goal oriented, very much driven by the trappings of material wealth and celebrity. So, fear of failing to achieve a goal that we have set ourselves can actually prevent us from starting. It can certainly prevent us from fully committing to change. But, if we don't even start, we're never going to achieve, and we've already set ourselves up to fail.
And as for fear of success? I've been very overweight my whole life. It's desperately uncomfortable, but it's what I know. So, curiously, it's my comfort zone. I know how to interact with people at this weight. I know what is expected of me. I know who I am. Because I've never been slim, I have no idea what that involves. What if I change into someone that isn't very likeable? What will people want from me? I'm lucky enough to have a kind of natural authority, which partly stems from my stature. What if I lose that? It would certainly affect my role in my working life. I don't know how to be, much less who to be!!
But I do know that this fear is keeping me trapped in a form that is becoming more and more unhealthy. As I approach my fifth decade, I also know that, more than anything, I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want the figure that I've always dreamed of. Yes, it is scary. But the potential consequences of not changing have now become even scarier.
I think big changes often come from the little things. That little thought that says, 'I'm done. I've had enough.' That little thought that sits in our being like a small, smooth, heavy pebble of certainty. And then we take one tiny step away from what it is that we no longer want. No fanfare, no conscious decision, no getting our ducks in a row.
Just one tiny step.
And suddenly, just like that, we've started the process of change.
Much love
Carol B
xxx
Well, I have to say, I'm really tired today, because I was up til 4am, looking at title fonts, backgrounds etc for the blog. It had taken me such a long time to decide on a name (I'm talking months), then once I had that, the blog was there within 24 hours. And, true to form, then I wanted to tinker with it all night. Eventually, my beautiful boy, could stand it no longer, and miaowed until I went to bed!
I think that is something that applies to a lot of us; we wait to start something until 'the Perfect Moment'. Of course, if it is a marriage proposal, it has to have some forethought, because you want it to be extra special and memorable.
But what if it is something that you really want to change about yourself, and you don't start to change until you have that perfect moment? Well, you could be waiting a very long time.
I think that, so often, we want something so badly, that we wait until we have no problems, no obstacles, the stars are all aligned and the sun is in the seventh house of Usher, that we never actually start it. I know I do this.
I've come to realise over the years that this procrastination can stem from fear. Certainly fear of failure, but also, especially in my case, fear of success. We live in a society that is very much goal oriented, very much driven by the trappings of material wealth and celebrity. So, fear of failing to achieve a goal that we have set ourselves can actually prevent us from starting. It can certainly prevent us from fully committing to change. But, if we don't even start, we're never going to achieve, and we've already set ourselves up to fail.
And as for fear of success? I've been very overweight my whole life. It's desperately uncomfortable, but it's what I know. So, curiously, it's my comfort zone. I know how to interact with people at this weight. I know what is expected of me. I know who I am. Because I've never been slim, I have no idea what that involves. What if I change into someone that isn't very likeable? What will people want from me? I'm lucky enough to have a kind of natural authority, which partly stems from my stature. What if I lose that? It would certainly affect my role in my working life. I don't know how to be, much less who to be!!
But I do know that this fear is keeping me trapped in a form that is becoming more and more unhealthy. As I approach my fifth decade, I also know that, more than anything, I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want the figure that I've always dreamed of. Yes, it is scary. But the potential consequences of not changing have now become even scarier.
I think big changes often come from the little things. That little thought that says, 'I'm done. I've had enough.' That little thought that sits in our being like a small, smooth, heavy pebble of certainty. And then we take one tiny step away from what it is that we no longer want. No fanfare, no conscious decision, no getting our ducks in a row.
Just one tiny step.
And suddenly, just like that, we've started the process of change.
Much love
Carol B
xxx
Thursday 9 October 2014
You Had Me At Hello!
Hello, Lovely Reader!
Wow! I've only gone and blummen done it! I've set up my own blog. It's something I've wanted to do for ages, but I didn't have the confidence to.
I've been posting as a contributor to a couple of other sites and was encouraged by the responses, and people kept suggesting I do a blog of my own. So, here I am!
I suppose I'd best tell you a bit about myself, and why I've set up the blog;
My name is Carol B. I am English and live in the East Riding of Yorkshire. I'm currently 46, and happily single and I live with my huge ginger tom Maine Coon, who is the love of my life. I don't think there are enough single women in the world with cats, do you?
I have a rather large weight problem, and that will be an intrinsic part of my posts. Now, before you start saying, 'oh, not another weight loss blog', let me say; 'no. It's about much more than that.' It's about potential, motivation, inspiration and insight. Hopefully, it will sometimes make you laugh, other times I hope to support you and still more times I hope to inspire you.
It's about starting a dialogue, a conversation (see what I did there?), both with me and with yourself, about the things in your life that you want to change.
As time goes on, and we get to know each other, hopefully, we can start the process of change, and continue to develop our potential together.
I genuinely believe that inside every person is a better person trying to get out. Sometimes, we just need a kick in the pants, and sometimes, we just need a bit of a hand holding. Hopefully, we can do that for each other.
I will warn you up front that I'm a little ...technically challenged, but I am going to try to post photos, quotes etc etc. It just may take me a little longer than the average 90 year old to learn how to do it! Also, and this is important; words are my 'thing'. I've never believed in using one word when ten will do, but bear with me when I go a-rambling, because there will be a point. I promise.
So, there we are, first post done! That wasn't so bad, was it??
Thanks for reading!
Much love
Carol B
xxx
Wow! I've only gone and blummen done it! I've set up my own blog. It's something I've wanted to do for ages, but I didn't have the confidence to.
I've been posting as a contributor to a couple of other sites and was encouraged by the responses, and people kept suggesting I do a blog of my own. So, here I am!
I suppose I'd best tell you a bit about myself, and why I've set up the blog;
My name is Carol B. I am English and live in the East Riding of Yorkshire. I'm currently 46, and happily single and I live with my huge ginger tom Maine Coon, who is the love of my life. I don't think there are enough single women in the world with cats, do you?
I have a rather large weight problem, and that will be an intrinsic part of my posts. Now, before you start saying, 'oh, not another weight loss blog', let me say; 'no. It's about much more than that.' It's about potential, motivation, inspiration and insight. Hopefully, it will sometimes make you laugh, other times I hope to support you and still more times I hope to inspire you.
It's about starting a dialogue, a conversation (see what I did there?), both with me and with yourself, about the things in your life that you want to change.
As time goes on, and we get to know each other, hopefully, we can start the process of change, and continue to develop our potential together.
I genuinely believe that inside every person is a better person trying to get out. Sometimes, we just need a kick in the pants, and sometimes, we just need a bit of a hand holding. Hopefully, we can do that for each other.
I will warn you up front that I'm a little ...technically challenged, but I am going to try to post photos, quotes etc etc. It just may take me a little longer than the average 90 year old to learn how to do it! Also, and this is important; words are my 'thing'. I've never believed in using one word when ten will do, but bear with me when I go a-rambling, because there will be a point. I promise.
So, there we are, first post done! That wasn't so bad, was it??
Thanks for reading!
Much love
Carol B
xxx
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