Who's 'Making' You Angry?

Dear Reader

It amuses me writing that, because I know I have no readers!!

Anyhoo, today's post may be a little controversial and not like the subjects I normally blog about.

I had a conversation with one of my sisters the other day, in the car, on the way to lunch in a lovely little village near where we live.  My sister (whom I'm really close to) was really angry over something my other sister (whom I'm not close to) had done, and she started to have a rant in the car about it. Again. From that one word, you will appreciate that this is not the first time my eldest sister's actions had caused distress to my middle sister, and not the first time I'd listened to her.

This was my response; 'And?'

Naturally, this was not the response my sister wanted.  She wanted me to be as outraged as she was. I said to her something that I think we all need to bear in mind sometimes;

We cannot control the actions, thoughts or feelings of others.  We can only control those things in ourselves, by the choices we make.

So, I said, quite calmly 'If you choose to continue to get mad about something that will never change, then that is your choice.  No-one is making you feel this but you.  You will never change the way our sister is; she is what she is.  Maybe she gets some perverse pleasure out of annoying you, maybe she doesn't, but that is irrelevant.  The only person who this has any negative impact on is you.  So you can either continue to moan and get mad, or you can choose to let it annoy you for five to ten minutes then let it go, and get on with your life. Choose to control your feelings, choose to control your responses.  The only person who has control over your feelings is you.'

This, of course, does not just apply to siblings, or negative situations.  How many times do we decline to take advantage of situations, or say yes to opportunities because of how others 'make' us feel about ourselves?  I am especially guilty of this.  But surely, the best of life comes from just that?  Being open, being spontaneous, seeing life as what it is; an incredible gift?

I believe that if we choose to have a more positive outlook (bear with me - I'm not going all Pollyanna), we will see more positive things in our lives.  You know that experiment of 'don't look at blue cars', and then all you can see is blue cars?  Similarly, I think if we look for the beautiful moments in our daily lives, and everyone has them, then we will see more of them.  One of mine today was seeing a particularly fat, fluffy bee feeding in my garden.  It was like a cartoon bee, it was so cute.

I know that this may all seem a bit flaky, but surely, it can't hurt to try?  Choose your feelings and choose what you focus on.

Much love to you and yours

Carol