Hello Lovely Reader
It's 1.20am here, but because I slept late and have done nothing all day, except rest with my foot elevated, I can't sleep.
As I said yesterday, I'm staying at my mum's, and she has Sky TV (I have no idea what the US equivalent would be) and there is a great channel on Sky called TLC. There are some brilliant TV programmes on there! (Sidenote; I don't watch a lot of TV at home. I will watch films and the dreaded QVC, and the programmes like The Hoarder Next Door, and BBC3 and BBC4 documentaries about mediaeval Britain, or The Regency or The Renaissance, but I can't bear soaps or programmes like Big Brother or Britain's Got Talent or, my personal nemesis, The X Factor).
But on TLC there are some programmes I'm finding really interesting; Hoarding; Buried Alive (makes me feel better about the bomb site that is my back bedroom!) and......Too Ugly For Love and My Extreme Excess Skin. These two programmes really resonate with me.
Too Ugly For Love is about people that have some kind of medical condition that affects them so badly psychologically, that they feel they are not worthy of love. Some of the conditions are harmless (hyper-hidrosis; excessive sweating), some of them more serious (ileostomy bags, colostomy bags, nodular prurigo etc), but they all affect the sufferers profoundly. And they're all absolutely normal looking, some fairly ordinary, some very attractive. And it made me feel a bit silly and slightly ashamed. I'm just fat. I'm not an oil painting, but I'm not hideous, either. I'm just..ordinary. And, I'll be 50 next year. At what point am I going to feel ok? Am I going to feel good enough? When will I feel worthy of love? I dunno. I'm ok being single, but I see that I actively prevent people from getting close to me. Hey ho. I need to think about this some more.
The other programme that is extremely relevant to me; My Extreme Excess Skin. This is very definitely going to apply to me. Maybe not quite as extreme as some of the people on the programme, but it will apply to a large extent. It has been insightful to see others transformations, and to see the problems they have endured whilst travelling to the end of their journey. The thing is, for most people, losing weight and getting to a size ? is the end goal in and of itself. But for others, reaching that size ? is the end of the first stage and the start of the second, because they will need surgery to remove their excess skin. I wish I'd lost my excess weight when I was young, purely because the collagen and elastin fibres that support the skin structure are more numerous and viable when you are younger. But by the time you hit 35, you have lost up to 60% of your collagen and elastin, so, with the best will in the world, your skin cannot spring back. All it can do is...hang. And sweat. And get in the way.
I've known for sometime that, even when I reach my end goal (whatever that may be), I will not have a beautiful body - it will be scarred, with stretch marks, with the natural skin ageing that occurs. Not pretty. So, there is inevitably going to be surgery involved, definitely brachioplasty, breast enhancement, circumferential body lift, whatever else. When I last priced it up, it was going to cost in excess of £15000. Heaven knows what it will cost when I need to have it all done. Highly unlikely I'll be able to have it done on the NHS, so quite how I'm going to fund it...? Cross that bridge when I come to it!
My job now is to continue to lose weight, to build muscle, to get healthy and to manage my diabetes, to give myself the best possible chance of swift and strong recovery to become the woman I want to be. Yes, I'll have scars that might be visible. I really don't care. I'm used to having strangers stare at me, so bring it on!!
Okay, so this wasn't as quick as I thought, but I just wanted to share it with you. Please bear with me during the next bit, as it may sound a bit...flaky!
This week is an important week - it's a full moon and it's 22.2, and the number two in Angel numbers means 'keep the faith', amplified by the full moon, which is traditionally a time of releasing unwanted negative energy, habits, things (have a look at Doreen Virtue on Youtube; she's helped me since I started watching her in December when my mum started to be ill again). You may not believe any of this, but I do, more so as I've grown older, and understand that there are far more powers at work in the world than I know or understand. Actually, my belief in these sorts of things has kind of increased not only as I've grown older, but also from me making an active decision to live a calmer, more peaceful life. As you will remember from yesterday's blog, I recognised that I need peace in my life. Life itself isn't kind of complying with that need, but I don't feel as much...overwhelm. I'm much more chilled out. I'm still bumbling around, trying to find what works for me, how I can help other people find their own path, but all I know is that I feel emotionally stronger. And that's helping me take care of myself. I don't think it stops you from taking responsibility for your own actions, it just helps to support you as a person. So, it's all good!
Have a great week, please have the courage to let go of what isn't working for you, what is keeping you stuck and keep the faith that it will all work out, that you can do it!! WE can do it!!
Lots of love to you and yours,
Carol
xxx
Sunday 21 February 2016
Saturday 20 February 2016
I Want to Run, but......
Hello Lovely Reader!!
Before I explain the title, let me bring you up to speed;
I am currently staying at my mum's house, looking after her house and her cat whilst mum is in hospital. She is very poorly. I don't know when she will be coming home, or if. Only time will tell. But she's quite spirited, so you never know. That sounds really grim, and I don't mean it like that. I'm trying to be really positive, but remain realistic too.
So, my older sister and brother in law that live with my mum have gone on holiday to India, a much needed break. But right up to about ten minutes before the taxi arrived to take them to the airport, they were thinking of cancelling the holiday. I virtually pushed them out of the door, saying that if anything really critical comes up, I will contact them immediately.
On top of this, my eldest sister and brother in law have come back off their holiday. My sister is really ill, and was during the holiday, with something to do with her breathing (she has asthma). Her husband is waiting for test results, as he potentially has a tropical disease!
So, there's just me doing most of the visits (assisted by niece and niece in law), and the shopping and the clearing of cat litter etc etc etc!! Good job I'm used to coping with things on my own!! Because this is what happened to me....
I decided at the end of January that I was going to start running. I'd done some research on www.toofattorun.co.uk and The Angry Jogger. So, I ordered some lovely new Nike Lunarglide 7 running shoes, and I was all psyched up and ready to go, get started before I moved into mum's.
I've always wanted to be a runner, and it features regularly in my dreams. I don't know where this impetus comes from. I could run when I was at school (sprints, not endurance), and I used to cycle a lot too, but then I left school and started work and passed my driving test....
It occurred to me whilst watching the horror of the New York attacks on 9/11 that if I had been there, I would not have survived, purely because I wouldn't have been able to run away, certainly not at the weight I was then. I know that's morbid, but it was quite a shocking realisation. In an emergency, I would not be able to protect myself in that most ancient and basic of ways; by running away. Everyone of my generation would be able to tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing at the moment they first heard of or saw the attacks, much in the same way as the assassination of President Kennedy, or the space shuttle exploding that was carrying Christa McAuliffe. The moments when our lives change, never to return to what we once knew. But my life changed in a more visceral and personal way - I knew, without any doubt, that I had to start to change my body. I also knew, in the back of my head that one day, one day, I would be able to run. I would be able to find that peaceful silence that would hopefully still my ever-churning thoughts.
Added to this, I have a lovely friend at work who does a local park run every Saturday. I asked her why she does it, why she started and her answer was so beautiful; because it has such a sense of community and camaraderie, and it's so peaceful and quiet;
'I stopped at East Park to give the pooch a good walk, when something magical happened. Around 500 people were there doing laps around the lake and the sun was shimmering off the water, birds singing in the trees and the rhythmic drum of the stream of people's footsteps passing me. It was tranquil. {at the end} every single one of them was smiling. So that's where it started, I quite simply went for a walk'.
Isn't that beautiful? I was so inspired.
Then, on February 5th, I fell in the bath, and broke a toe on my right foot, and broke the 5th metatarsal on my left foot!! My Nikes arrived on that day too, adding insult to blummen injury!! So, I was ordered to have complete rest for 4 weeks whilst wearing a cast, and stay off my foot as much as possible. Obviously, with what's going on in my life right now, as outlined above, that is just not possible, but I am trying to rest it as much as I can. I have to go back in around three weeks for further x rays.
And the first question I will be asking is 'when can I start walking, with a view to start running?'. I can't wait to see his face. The concept of someone my size running will either blow his mind or make him laugh, I think.
But although my plan has suffered a setback, that's all it is. A set back, a slight delay. It's still going to happen!!
I'll keep you posted. And as for my beautiful friend who doesn't realise how beautiful she is, or how eloquent she is, I will be forever grateful, for clarifying something I didn't realise I needed. Tranquillity.
Much love and blessings to you all.
Carol
xxxx
Before I explain the title, let me bring you up to speed;
I am currently staying at my mum's house, looking after her house and her cat whilst mum is in hospital. She is very poorly. I don't know when she will be coming home, or if. Only time will tell. But she's quite spirited, so you never know. That sounds really grim, and I don't mean it like that. I'm trying to be really positive, but remain realistic too.
So, my older sister and brother in law that live with my mum have gone on holiday to India, a much needed break. But right up to about ten minutes before the taxi arrived to take them to the airport, they were thinking of cancelling the holiday. I virtually pushed them out of the door, saying that if anything really critical comes up, I will contact them immediately.
On top of this, my eldest sister and brother in law have come back off their holiday. My sister is really ill, and was during the holiday, with something to do with her breathing (she has asthma). Her husband is waiting for test results, as he potentially has a tropical disease!
So, there's just me doing most of the visits (assisted by niece and niece in law), and the shopping and the clearing of cat litter etc etc etc!! Good job I'm used to coping with things on my own!! Because this is what happened to me....
I decided at the end of January that I was going to start running. I'd done some research on www.toofattorun.co.uk and The Angry Jogger. So, I ordered some lovely new Nike Lunarglide 7 running shoes, and I was all psyched up and ready to go, get started before I moved into mum's.
I've always wanted to be a runner, and it features regularly in my dreams. I don't know where this impetus comes from. I could run when I was at school (sprints, not endurance), and I used to cycle a lot too, but then I left school and started work and passed my driving test....
It occurred to me whilst watching the horror of the New York attacks on 9/11 that if I had been there, I would not have survived, purely because I wouldn't have been able to run away, certainly not at the weight I was then. I know that's morbid, but it was quite a shocking realisation. In an emergency, I would not be able to protect myself in that most ancient and basic of ways; by running away. Everyone of my generation would be able to tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing at the moment they first heard of or saw the attacks, much in the same way as the assassination of President Kennedy, or the space shuttle exploding that was carrying Christa McAuliffe. The moments when our lives change, never to return to what we once knew. But my life changed in a more visceral and personal way - I knew, without any doubt, that I had to start to change my body. I also knew, in the back of my head that one day, one day, I would be able to run. I would be able to find that peaceful silence that would hopefully still my ever-churning thoughts.
Added to this, I have a lovely friend at work who does a local park run every Saturday. I asked her why she does it, why she started and her answer was so beautiful; because it has such a sense of community and camaraderie, and it's so peaceful and quiet;
'I stopped at East Park to give the pooch a good walk, when something magical happened. Around 500 people were there doing laps around the lake and the sun was shimmering off the water, birds singing in the trees and the rhythmic drum of the stream of people's footsteps passing me. It was tranquil. {at the end} every single one of them was smiling. So that's where it started, I quite simply went for a walk'.
Isn't that beautiful? I was so inspired.
Then, on February 5th, I fell in the bath, and broke a toe on my right foot, and broke the 5th metatarsal on my left foot!! My Nikes arrived on that day too, adding insult to blummen injury!! So, I was ordered to have complete rest for 4 weeks whilst wearing a cast, and stay off my foot as much as possible. Obviously, with what's going on in my life right now, as outlined above, that is just not possible, but I am trying to rest it as much as I can. I have to go back in around three weeks for further x rays.
And the first question I will be asking is 'when can I start walking, with a view to start running?'. I can't wait to see his face. The concept of someone my size running will either blow his mind or make him laugh, I think.
But although my plan has suffered a setback, that's all it is. A set back, a slight delay. It's still going to happen!!
I'll keep you posted. And as for my beautiful friend who doesn't realise how beautiful she is, or how eloquent she is, I will be forever grateful, for clarifying something I didn't realise I needed. Tranquillity.
Much love and blessings to you all.
Carol
xxxx
Thursday 14 January 2016
Midnight Rambler
Hello Dear Reader
well, I've started using my planner, and actually scheduling a time to blog seems like a good idea.
I've had so many compliments this weel from colleagues about how much weight I've lost, and that I've lost it really quickly, it's been quite amusing. I haven't lost it quickly, I've just bought some new trousers that actually fit! Also, I've made the effort to start wearing a bit of makeup again, and it seems I'm a whole new person.
I can't deny that the compliments have given my ego a real boost - I've never had this level of recognition before, so it's gratifying, but, this is my concern;
normally, when anyone starts acknowledging that I look different/slimmer, I stop what I've been doing to get that way and I pile the weight back on. I fear change, I don't like attention about my weight (because I can't handle it) and the thought of looking different kind of scares me. I can remember the first time, many years ago, that I saw my collarbones. I was so freaked out, I immediately put all the weight back on, and more, just to cover them back up. Weird, or what??
So, this time, I'm trying to accept the compliments graciously and just kind of ignore them. Part of me thinks I ought to write them down, so I can read them when I feel I'm getting nowhere, but I don't know. I have to really hold in my mind that I'm doing this for my health, but I am vain enough to want to look good too. Actually, I'd be happy with looking normal, never mind anything else!
The public acknowledgement of the visual changes are a bit of a double edged sword.
What aspects of weight loss success scare you, and how do you deal with it? I really hope someone reads this, because I would genuinely like to know!!
Take care, much love,
Carol
xx
well, I've started using my planner, and actually scheduling a time to blog seems like a good idea.
I've had so many compliments this weel from colleagues about how much weight I've lost, and that I've lost it really quickly, it's been quite amusing. I haven't lost it quickly, I've just bought some new trousers that actually fit! Also, I've made the effort to start wearing a bit of makeup again, and it seems I'm a whole new person.
I can't deny that the compliments have given my ego a real boost - I've never had this level of recognition before, so it's gratifying, but, this is my concern;
normally, when anyone starts acknowledging that I look different/slimmer, I stop what I've been doing to get that way and I pile the weight back on. I fear change, I don't like attention about my weight (because I can't handle it) and the thought of looking different kind of scares me. I can remember the first time, many years ago, that I saw my collarbones. I was so freaked out, I immediately put all the weight back on, and more, just to cover them back up. Weird, or what??
So, this time, I'm trying to accept the compliments graciously and just kind of ignore them. Part of me thinks I ought to write them down, so I can read them when I feel I'm getting nowhere, but I don't know. I have to really hold in my mind that I'm doing this for my health, but I am vain enough to want to look good too. Actually, I'd be happy with looking normal, never mind anything else!
The public acknowledgement of the visual changes are a bit of a double edged sword.
What aspects of weight loss success scare you, and how do you deal with it? I really hope someone reads this, because I would genuinely like to know!!
Take care, much love,
Carol
xx
Friday 8 January 2016
Wow! Another New Year!
Hello Dear Reader
here I am , in the middle of the night, when I should be in bed, and I'm writing a blog post. Why? Because I just wanted to put something out there;
I love the newness of a new year. I dislike New Years Eve, but I like the new year. I love that it's a whole new chapter, a fresh start that is full of possibility, full of options, full of choice, full of opportunities, full of chance.
As I am now 48, and I potentially only have 20-30 new years left, if I'm lucky - I'm going to make this one count!!
I hope all your dreams come true.
Carol B
xx
here I am , in the middle of the night, when I should be in bed, and I'm writing a blog post. Why? Because I just wanted to put something out there;
I love the newness of a new year. I dislike New Years Eve, but I like the new year. I love that it's a whole new chapter, a fresh start that is full of possibility, full of options, full of choice, full of opportunities, full of chance.
As I am now 48, and I potentially only have 20-30 new years left, if I'm lucky - I'm going to make this one count!!
I hope all your dreams come true.
Carol B
xx
Tuesday 16 June 2015
The Road to Hell.....
Hello, Dear Reader
As you will know, the end of that quotation is 'paved with good intentions'. My own particular road certainly is.
It's now 11.36pm on 16th June. I haven't had dinner (evening meal) and nor have I done any planning. Grrrr. I'm mad at myself and disappointed too.
And today, that's all I have to say.
Much love to you
Carol
xx
(as you can probably tell, I'm a bit fed up!)
As you will know, the end of that quotation is 'paved with good intentions'. My own particular road certainly is.
It's now 11.36pm on 16th June. I haven't had dinner (evening meal) and nor have I done any planning. Grrrr. I'm mad at myself and disappointed too.
And today, that's all I have to say.
Much love to you
Carol
xx
(as you can probably tell, I'm a bit fed up!)
Sunday 31 May 2015
A New Low - in a Good Way!!
Hello Readers
I've hit a new low! I'm now the lowest weight I've been in 28 years and I'm finally - finally! - under my next major number! I'm so pleased and a little bit proud of myself. By the way, the reason I don't publish the numbers is because, strangely, I don't want this blog to be just about that ( I will post them at the end of my journey, probably). We are all so much more than the numbers on the scale, and yet we all inevitably define ourselves by that. Wouldn't it be marvellous if weight, size, shape, gender, colour, race, religion, sexuality all became irrelevant, and it all became about who you are at your core? Utopian and naive, I know, but can you imagine how liberating it would be? How freeing? Part of my original reason of wanting to start a blog was because I wanted to reach out to others, to connect. And because I wanted to have a reason to write regularly, as I find it incredibly cathartic. Writing something down makes it easier to 'see' what's going on and to put it in the wider perspective. To give my thoughts context, I suppose. The act of writing gives me clarity.
Even though it is the early hours of the morning here in England, it is technically the first of June, so today, I am recommencing Eating Clean - this means.....planning. I'm not great at sitting down and planning meals. Mainly because I'm genuinely not that interested in food. Now, I know this may seem a little bit ironic for someone who had reached such a massive weight, but, over the last few years, I have been on a drug called exenatide (for diabetes) and because of the way it works, it slows down how your body processes food and drinks. The upshot of this is that I rarely feel hunger. Combine this with living in my own, and not seeing the point in cooking....can you see where I'm going with this?
However, I know that Eating Clean improves my health, gives me more energy, makes my skin look better and, best of all, balances my blood sugars. You'd think this would be a no brainer, right? Wrong; I just find it incredibly difficult to sit down and plan a menu. I've tried all sorts of ways to do it - a few days at a time, a full week, a rough plan for a month, one day at a time - and I just struggle. I think that it's the commitment. I know that people who write down their goals are more than 80% more likely to achieve them. I've come to think that I have an inherent lack of faith in my ability to carry out the planned menu, a lack of belief in myself. I always leave it too late to start cooking, I find meal prep boring and I usually end up throwing away what I've bought, which, in this day and age of more and more people relying on food banks and soup kitchens is disgraceful, if not obscene.
So, I've come to a decision. I have to quit stalling, quit moaning and quit delaying and just get on with it. The other irony is that I really believe in Eating Clean; I am currently doing a home study course in nutrition, and I've always been a proponent of food being what our bodies are built with; we literally are what we eat.
I remember being about 17 and getting magazines imported from the USA (Muscle and Fitness Hers and that sort of thing), because you just couldn't buy them here, and those magazines were so advanced on nutrition and exercise. I can't begin to tell you how educated I am on these subjects, but I have not so far put them consistently into practice. That's why the Eat Clean movement is so important to me and for me - the availability of information now is mind-blowing, and it has simplified all of that early information and made it accessible. The diagnosis of IBS kicked my butt to an extent, but I don't want to go completely grain-free. I don't think I could go Paleo, for example. However, I do believe that over 80 per cent of all illness can be attributed to lifestyle, specifically what we choose to feed ourselves.
June 1st - I first started Eating Clean in June last year, so it seems a good time to fully commit, on my one year anniversary, to a lifestyle of supporting and caring for myself by nourishing myself properly. And that means...planning. And food prep - I'm intending to do it once or twice a week. Surely that will make it more achievable??
How do you plan? What do you do? I'd love to hear.
Much love to you and yours,
Carol B
xxx
I've hit a new low! I'm now the lowest weight I've been in 28 years and I'm finally - finally! - under my next major number! I'm so pleased and a little bit proud of myself. By the way, the reason I don't publish the numbers is because, strangely, I don't want this blog to be just about that ( I will post them at the end of my journey, probably). We are all so much more than the numbers on the scale, and yet we all inevitably define ourselves by that. Wouldn't it be marvellous if weight, size, shape, gender, colour, race, religion, sexuality all became irrelevant, and it all became about who you are at your core? Utopian and naive, I know, but can you imagine how liberating it would be? How freeing? Part of my original reason of wanting to start a blog was because I wanted to reach out to others, to connect. And because I wanted to have a reason to write regularly, as I find it incredibly cathartic. Writing something down makes it easier to 'see' what's going on and to put it in the wider perspective. To give my thoughts context, I suppose. The act of writing gives me clarity.
Even though it is the early hours of the morning here in England, it is technically the first of June, so today, I am recommencing Eating Clean - this means.....planning. I'm not great at sitting down and planning meals. Mainly because I'm genuinely not that interested in food. Now, I know this may seem a little bit ironic for someone who had reached such a massive weight, but, over the last few years, I have been on a drug called exenatide (for diabetes) and because of the way it works, it slows down how your body processes food and drinks. The upshot of this is that I rarely feel hunger. Combine this with living in my own, and not seeing the point in cooking....can you see where I'm going with this?
However, I know that Eating Clean improves my health, gives me more energy, makes my skin look better and, best of all, balances my blood sugars. You'd think this would be a no brainer, right? Wrong; I just find it incredibly difficult to sit down and plan a menu. I've tried all sorts of ways to do it - a few days at a time, a full week, a rough plan for a month, one day at a time - and I just struggle. I think that it's the commitment. I know that people who write down their goals are more than 80% more likely to achieve them. I've come to think that I have an inherent lack of faith in my ability to carry out the planned menu, a lack of belief in myself. I always leave it too late to start cooking, I find meal prep boring and I usually end up throwing away what I've bought, which, in this day and age of more and more people relying on food banks and soup kitchens is disgraceful, if not obscene.
So, I've come to a decision. I have to quit stalling, quit moaning and quit delaying and just get on with it. The other irony is that I really believe in Eating Clean; I am currently doing a home study course in nutrition, and I've always been a proponent of food being what our bodies are built with; we literally are what we eat.
I remember being about 17 and getting magazines imported from the USA (Muscle and Fitness Hers and that sort of thing), because you just couldn't buy them here, and those magazines were so advanced on nutrition and exercise. I can't begin to tell you how educated I am on these subjects, but I have not so far put them consistently into practice. That's why the Eat Clean movement is so important to me and for me - the availability of information now is mind-blowing, and it has simplified all of that early information and made it accessible. The diagnosis of IBS kicked my butt to an extent, but I don't want to go completely grain-free. I don't think I could go Paleo, for example. However, I do believe that over 80 per cent of all illness can be attributed to lifestyle, specifically what we choose to feed ourselves.
June 1st - I first started Eating Clean in June last year, so it seems a good time to fully commit, on my one year anniversary, to a lifestyle of supporting and caring for myself by nourishing myself properly. And that means...planning. And food prep - I'm intending to do it once or twice a week. Surely that will make it more achievable??
How do you plan? What do you do? I'd love to hear.
Much love to you and yours,
Carol B
xxx
Monday 25 May 2015
A Bit of Meandering...
Hello Reader
It has been a Bank Holiday weekend this weekend in the UK. That means we get Monday off, making it a long weekend. My one goal this weekend was to make a start on the garden....
For those with partners, spouses, children etc, Bank Holidays are great. For those of us who are single, but all our friends are married with kids etc, this is not so good. In fact, it can get pretty lonely and dull.
However, I have made sure that I've done something productive each day, and something each day for me to enjoy. Of course there have been many, many cups of tea drunk! And, I've enjoyed having the time to just....be. To lay with my beloved cat and watch the clouds go by, listening to him purr, as I scratch his ears.
I sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet someone that I really want to be with, that wants to be with me. Who knows? Although I always felt that I wouldn't get married, I didn't think I would grow old single. Luckily, I have good friends (even the married ones!) and a loving family, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. All in all; Pretty Damn Blessed.
I forgot to get weighed this weekend, so I don't know where I'm at on the scale. However, my clothes are feeling looser. I have been faffing around and not eating well and I seriously cannot remember the last time I exercised.
One of my goals this year was to lose seven stones. I'm nowehere on track with that, but if I make changes now I can be closer to my target than if I don't start.
I suffer quite badly with perfectionismitis. This means that if I am not 100 % perfect in achieving something, I give up. You will know if you have read my blog before that I am a keen follower of The Flylady (www.flylady.net), and she has taught me that there is no such thing as perfectionism, and that housework done incorrectly still blesses your home. I need to start expanding this concept to other things; at the moment I expect myself to Eat Clean 100 % and start exercising daily for an hour. This approach is clearly not working for me AT ALL. So, for the remainder of this week, I'm going to try to eat something healthy at each meal and exercise for 15 minutes each day. Just gentle movement. Nothing mental. I've noticed since Christmas that I am getting more and more stiff each day - I actually feel like I'm seizing up! Well, of course I am because I'm not moving!!
So, that's the plan. Eating a bit better and moving a bit more. I'll let you know how I got on. the 'good' thing is that people have started noticing I'm losing weight. I actually find this a little disturbing, because I don't know how to handle the praise or the recognition. So, I'm just saying thank you and moving the conversation on.
I hope you have a good week and move a little closer to your goals.
Much love to you and yours,
Carol B
xx
ps I didn't do the garden!
It has been a Bank Holiday weekend this weekend in the UK. That means we get Monday off, making it a long weekend. My one goal this weekend was to make a start on the garden....
For those with partners, spouses, children etc, Bank Holidays are great. For those of us who are single, but all our friends are married with kids etc, this is not so good. In fact, it can get pretty lonely and dull.
However, I have made sure that I've done something productive each day, and something each day for me to enjoy. Of course there have been many, many cups of tea drunk! And, I've enjoyed having the time to just....be. To lay with my beloved cat and watch the clouds go by, listening to him purr, as I scratch his ears.
I sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet someone that I really want to be with, that wants to be with me. Who knows? Although I always felt that I wouldn't get married, I didn't think I would grow old single. Luckily, I have good friends (even the married ones!) and a loving family, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. All in all; Pretty Damn Blessed.
I forgot to get weighed this weekend, so I don't know where I'm at on the scale. However, my clothes are feeling looser. I have been faffing around and not eating well and I seriously cannot remember the last time I exercised.
One of my goals this year was to lose seven stones. I'm nowehere on track with that, but if I make changes now I can be closer to my target than if I don't start.
I suffer quite badly with perfectionismitis. This means that if I am not 100 % perfect in achieving something, I give up. You will know if you have read my blog before that I am a keen follower of The Flylady (www.flylady.net), and she has taught me that there is no such thing as perfectionism, and that housework done incorrectly still blesses your home. I need to start expanding this concept to other things; at the moment I expect myself to Eat Clean 100 % and start exercising daily for an hour. This approach is clearly not working for me AT ALL. So, for the remainder of this week, I'm going to try to eat something healthy at each meal and exercise for 15 minutes each day. Just gentle movement. Nothing mental. I've noticed since Christmas that I am getting more and more stiff each day - I actually feel like I'm seizing up! Well, of course I am because I'm not moving!!
So, that's the plan. Eating a bit better and moving a bit more. I'll let you know how I got on. the 'good' thing is that people have started noticing I'm losing weight. I actually find this a little disturbing, because I don't know how to handle the praise or the recognition. So, I'm just saying thank you and moving the conversation on.
I hope you have a good week and move a little closer to your goals.
Much love to you and yours,
Carol B
xx
ps I didn't do the garden!
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